The Carolinas Bracket - Round Two

The Second Round features one surprise and even more intriguing match ups. Starting things off is the introduction of #1 seed Andrew Jackson, a royal asshole who is the #1 overall see in the tournament. Will his grit compel him to victory over the glorious Thomas Jefferson? #2 George Washington is pitted against #3 Woodrow Wilson. While the former helped start this nation (in war and as President), the latter pushed for Democracy everywhere - a gutsy move in places that, you know, prefer other things. Finally, #9 JQ Adams upset #4 John Tyler and goes on to face #5 James Monroe in an match up that pits a Founding Father against a guy who already beat an Adams and for whom a freakin' Doctrine is named after. Have at it!

#1 Andrew Jackson - 7th President: As President, Andrew Jackson used the power of office to institute among the most heinous, gut wrenching and nakedly brutal act known as the Trail Of Tears. Under the guise of law, he decimated the Native American population by forcibly removing many tribes from their lands to areas less, um, populated. We could talk about Jackson's other assholish brawny contributions as President, including his opposition to the Second Bank of U.S. and doing away with the spoils system in the White House, but it's his signature brand of civilization obliteration that reinforces his #1 seed.

#7 Thomas Jefferson - 3rd President: An intellectual who was fluent in five languages, Jefferson was also greatly interested in science, invention, architecture, religion and philosophy. If this were a brain battle, this Founding Father would be tops. Sadly for him, though, this is a battle of brawn, a fight with fists (and weapons hidden under sleeves, we hope), and the amount of brute strength he likely possessed was directly inverse to the amount of smarts he featured.



#2 George Washington - 1st President: A fighter who commanded troops to victory against the world's mightiest army would usually grant an automatic #1 seed. He gets high marks for just about everything he did, but here's where he fell short: the wealthy Washington may have been a brilliant strategist and commander, but as a hand-to-hand fighter, we have our doubts he could hack it with the top echelon.

#3 Woodrow Wilson - 28th President: As a candidate for President, Wilson showed cunning strength by promising peace (read: isolationism) in the election of 1916 only to enter WWI a year later. Ultimately, his push for the United States to kick ass around the world in the name of democracy earns him high marks. Would have been higher had he not earned a Nobel Peace Prize in 1919 - an award that won't inspire fear in your enemies on the battlefield.



#5 James Monroe - 5th President: We could point to his aggression in Florida in trying and take over the Seminole Nation or his near-unanimous reelection (bad ass) as evidence of how he would succeed in hand-to-hand combat, but, really, there's only one reason we sure he'd fight hard: The Monroe Doctrine. Perhaps this U.S. policy is most responsible for our love of invading whomever we like wherever we like for nearly 200 years.

#9 John Quincy Adams - 6th President: A fantastic president who helped declare an end to the War of 1812 (weak), President Adams worked to expand American infrastructure (could be handy in a fight, but not a recipe for kicking ass and, thus, Weak) and enacted a generally favorable view of Native Americans (WEAK!).