#2 Barack Obama - 44th President: Yes he received a 2009 Nobel Peace Prize (weak), but he accepted the award to talk about war (not weak). He also decimated America's #1 foreign enemy, mostly using drone strikes wherever and whenever the fuck he felt like striking. Also, he will - and has - shot pirates in the head.
#11 Jimmy Carter - 39th President - Were we to solely focus on the Iran Hostage Crisis, Carter may still be relegated to an 11 seed. But, BUT, when we consider the 1979 energy crisis (not entirely his fault, but still), the Three Mile Island nuclear accident (again, not his doing, but still), the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, the 1980 Moscow Summer Olympics boycott (the only U.S. boycott in Olympic history) and the eruption of Mount St. Helens, well that's a pattern of weakness we couldn't ignore. That said, he did deregulate the American beer industry, which does gain him strength points.
#3 Dwight D Eisenhower - 34th President: Here's all you need to know (for these purposes) about Ike: After he attained the rank of General in the U.S. Army, he was given a title Superman would be envious of: Supreme Allied Commander of Europe. Something tells us, he knows a thing or two about kicking ass.
#10 Millard Fillmore - 13th President: There's a reason you may know nothing about Fillmore. Our 13th president perfected the art of avoiding the limelight as a strategy to succeed. While that may be admirable in some circles (and ended up not being so successful on the national stage), it certainly would not do well in hand-to-hand combat. Before becoming President, Fillmore held elected office for many years. He may have learned certain skills as a politician, but real world fighting probably wasn't one of them. If you have any doubts, research his key piece of legislation: The Compromise of 1850. You don't win fist fights by compromising.
#4 James K. Polk - 11th President: A real sonofabitch, President Polk seems like he would cut ya for looking the wrong way. As evidence: He threatened war with Britain over the issue of which nation owned the Oregon Country. Then, THEN, when Mexico rejected America's not at all legal plan to annex Texas, Polk led the nation into war and succeeded wildly against our amigos to the sur. Just for good measure, he also established a treasury system that lasted for nearly seven decades. Those are all good, but this is amazing: As a 17-year-old, Polk had surgery to remove urinary stones. During the successful operation, he remained awake the entire time with nothing but brandy available for anesthetic. Get some!
#9 Chester A. Arthur - 21st President: He gets points for helping to strengthen the Navy (though letting the military deficit ballon) and meddling in Latin American affairs. Ultimately, though, Arthur's presidency (and life before the White House) were on the undistinguishable side of things while his poor health (shortly after becoming president, Arthur was diagnosed with a kidney ailment) could make his chances for survival difficult.
#5 Bill Clinton - 42nd President: Bubba gets high marks for governing the rough and tumble South (and for being the product of an abusive father), but we had to downgrade him for a series of non-muscular missteps his administration took, including blunders in Somalia, such as the bombing of a pharmaceutical plant he thought harbored terrorists. Clinton also repeatedly failed to capture or kill bin Laden, which is not very kick ass of him. When it's all said and done, though, no word characterizes Bill Clinton as much as Survivor, which is why he's #5 on our list.
#8 John F. Kennedy - 35th President: I know what you're going to say: There's no way President Kennedy, perhaps one of the top executives of all time and close friend of mobsters is an eight seed. Though he was likely shadier than a forest, consider this: JFK probably never got his hands dirty, which is more than we can say for many presidents before him. Kennedy also bungled the invasion of the tiny Cuban island and, while he sought to push other countries to accept Democracy through sometimes violent means, he did so secretively. Real men intimidate publically.
#6 Franklin D. Roosevelt - 32nd President: It's very likely that the aristocratic FDR never engaged in fisticuffs as a youth. It's very likely he wouldn't know what to do with his fists if Mike Tyson were in front of him. These, of course, are considerations we took into account but ultimately feel secure in his #6 seed on the basis of two things: Kicking Hitler's ass and that, at any point, he could throw his wheelchair at somebody and do some serious harm.
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