#11 Benjamin Harrison - 23rd President: Benjamin was the grandson to William Henry Harrison who is most famous for dying from a cold he caught when he refused to wear a hat during his own inaugural speech. Harrison the younger served in Union Army as Brigadier General with no notable battle stories. His administration is remembered most for economic legislation and not for national security. Following in his grandfather’s footsteps, Benjamin died from influenza (the flu) in the years following his presidency. One can deduce that the Harrison immune system, like it’s men, cannot stand up when faced with even a minor challenge.
#3 William Taft - 27th President: Taft is the only President to also serve as a Chief Justice. He didn’t actually want to be President despite his predecessor’s Roosevelt’s strong grooming efforts who appointed him Secretary of War to prepare him for Chief Executive. Taft was a large man in deed and in stature, weighing in at 300+ lbs - he even had to special order a bathtub big enough for him to get in. His size and his determination position him well to fight the good fight, be it in a court room or in a Sumo ring.
#10 Calvin Coolidge - 30th President: Coolidge earned a reputation for being a hard-ass stemming in part from his public rebuke of Samuel Gompers during the Boston Police strike in 1919. However, Coolidge, who never took the fight to the playground, may be able to talk big when he had the White House as a barrier between him and the other guys, but take him outside of his circle of protection and we think his scolds turn into a mumble and he loses big when it comes time to rumble.
#4 Grover Cleveland - 22nd and 24th President: Cleveland gets points for his ability to get elected in non-consecutive elections; a guy must be doing something right when the people like you after you leave the building. Not a man known to start an incident, he also didn’t shy away from handling his business regardless of the situation. When told he needed to fight in the Civil War or find a substitute, he didn’t hesitate to pay $150 to a Polish immigrant to serve in his place. Prior to his presidency, Cleveland was the Sheriff of Erie County. During his tenure in Erie, two murders occurred in which the penalty was death. Rather than delegating the task to one of his staff, Cleveland personally executed two murderers. Knowing that he is not slow on the draw and that he has killed before makes it that much more likely that he’ll be able to kill again.
#9 Lyndon B Johnson - 36th President: Johnson was responsible for designing lots of frou frou, bleeding -heart legislation that included laws upholding civil rights, Medicare, Medicaid, environmental protection, aid to education and for starting a "War on Poverty." Johnson is also known for his escalation of American involvement in the Vietnam War, from 16,000 American soldiers in 1963 to 550,000 combat troops in early 1968, despite never actually “being at war.” That said, his own time on a battlefield was nonexistent. He may have been a man of strong words, but his deeds were weaksauce. Sending troops to fight in your war games doesn’t increase your chances of surviving when you are faced with actual combat.
#5 Abraham Lincoln - 16th President: Lincoln is known for his political savvy, intelligence, height, freeing the slaves, and of course being assassinated in a theater. He was mostly self-educated, and became a country lawyer and an Illinois state legislator during the 1830s. A man of many accomplishments, he also had much to tend to in his personal life, namely his clinically insane wife. Due to his preoccupations with Mary Todd and his notoriety for getting very lost in his own thoughts, Lincoln may not have been so focused on the battlefield (or in a theater).
#8 Franklin Pierce - 14th President: Pierce demonstrated a good deal of leadership in the Mexican- American war. He, however, suffered from immense personal tragedy, all of his children died when they were young, which made him much more sensitive to life’s afflictions. Pierce enlisted in the volunteer services during the Mexican-American War and rose to the rank of colonel. During a battle in Mexico City, he was seriously wounded in the leg when he fell from his horse. He returned to his command the following day, but during the Battle of Churubusco the pain in his leg became so great that he passed out and had to be carried from the field. Bitch.
#6 Harry Truman - 33rd President: Truman is not someone you would want to mess with. He served in WWI as a Battery Commander and was able to maintain order of his division, which was known for its very poor discipline. He, of course, is famous for dropping two bombs on Japan - one in Hiroshima and one in Nagasaki that led to the end of WWII. Tensions during his administration with the Soviet Union following the aftermath indirectly caused the Cold War. With a record like that, he is likely to at least pull out a gun, knife, or nuclear weapon at the first threat of danger.
#7 Richard Nixon - 37th President: Fun facts: his Middle name was “Milhous” and Nixon was given a commendation in the Navy, receiving two stars for his effort but saw no actual combat. He was a known alcoholic and paranoid (android), the latter of which led to a whole bunch of taped conversations and scandal that led to his downfall. Due to his instability, Nixon may not have the best odds. On the other hand, his cautious nature could keep him out of trouble and propel him far.
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